Has anyone ever told you that you need more confidence?
‘You just have to be confident!’
If only it was that easy.
You want to be more confident, though. Confidence is what will help you land that big client, ask the girl out, approach anyone, and stand up for yourself in situations that call for you to do so.
The problem is, you don’t know what to do. You want to feel more self-assured and take those giant steps, but you don’t know how to. That’s what this blog post is all about.
Here, we will explore the various ways to boost your confidence.
Confidence will allow you to unlock the life of your dreams and life the life you truly do desire.
Embrace Your Self-Doubt
This may not seem counter-intuitive.
You’re probably wondering how this can help boost your confidence, but the first step in knowing your worth is embracing your self-doubt.
Sometimes, it’s okay to feel some sense of doubt. Especially if it pertains to what you are trying to achieve.
Everyone has self doubt, and to prove it, years ago I reached out to Dave Ramsey and asked how he deals with self doubt.
Here is what he told me;
Quite simple, really.
Here is how New York Time’s Best Selling author, Jon Acuff deals with self doubt;
As you can see, he battles it daily.
You are not alone.
Every single person on this planet deals with self doubt. I find the uber successful are just better at managing it.
For superstar athletes, a little self-doubt can end up being beneficial. Typically, those who feel a little uneasy, end up preparing more than those who think they have nothing to improve on.
Tom Brady, at 42 years old, is a great example of this. He still plays at an extremely high level, and likely has some doubts after 20 years in the league. His preparation, studying film & nutrition are all something he is ruthlessly committed to.
Adopt a Frequent Exercise Regimen
Believe it or not, exercise is one of the most effective ways to boost your confidence.
I’d argue this is the absolute fastest way to increase confidence, and it doesn’t have to include hitting the gym.
The gym is ideal, but as a Dad, I know time is always an issue. However, if it’s important, you make the time for it.
We don’t accept excuses around here at Total Dads.
Your health, and confidence, is crucial to living your best life.
Your kids will appreciate a healthier Dad.
Last September, I challenged myself to do 100 push-ups a day for 30 days.
I have a slight obsession with 30 day challenges. It helps me set a small, attainable goal. Once the 30 days hits, it becomes routine.
Today, marks the 123rd consecutive day of doing 100 push-ups a day.
That is 12,300 push-ups in the last four months!
That is absolutely mind-blowing to me!
People have taken notice, too. Asking if I’ve been working out, losing weight and my therapist told me my face/neck looks skinnier.
Apparently, I had a fat neck prior to this 30 day challenge. 😜
The physical benefits are cool, however, my confidence has skyrocketed with this challenge.
As Ed Mylett says;
Self-confidence is keeping the promises you make to yourself!
That’s the power of these 30 day challenges (when completed). I am achieving a goal I set, and keeping the promise I made to myself.
That is insanely powerful.
The road to conviction starts within.
When you dwell on life, do nothing, and sit idle, it begins to effect your psyche and erodes your self-worth.
It’s not a fun place to be, and I have been in the dark pit many, many times over the years.
This is no way to gain a better self-image.
By incorporating weekly exercise into your routine, you are working on yourself. Working on yourself is the absolute best investment you can make in yourself.
You’ll feel the benefits immediately, I promise. Even a 15 minute walk can do wonders.
Anytime I am stressed, confused, or battling anxiety, I take a quick walk. 96.7% of the time, when I return, whatever I was dealing with seems to just melt away.
I am convinced that a quick walk is one of the most underrated life hacks there is.
Improving your outside will aid in helping your inside, thus boosting your self-confidence. I hit the gym, take the daily walks, do the 100 push-ups for the mental benefits over the physical ones.
Exercising helps release your endorphins, which will, in turn, improve your mindset. By just exercising more, you will instantly start to feel better about yourself.
With this improved boost in confidence, you are able to tackle some of the challenges you may not have wanted to do previously.
Additionally, eating better will help your inner being and make you feel better about yourself.
I’d start with eliminating sugar and look into the benefits of intermittent fasting.
Once you feel better about yourself, you magically start feeling more confident.
It’s like a snowball going down hill, you quickly gain momentum. It’s almost like a drug, and you get addicted to making continual progress.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
This is a big one.
With social media, this has really become an issue over the last 8 – 10 years.
Most people share their “highlight reel” on social media, and leave the real, tough life shit off. Making it appear they have life figured out, and they live this perfect life.
No one has it all figured out.
Not your highschool friends, your parents, the neighbors, the uber successful or ultra wealthy.
We’re all trying to figure it out as we go. I will never have it all figured out, as I am on a quest for constant improvement.
Unfortunately, it’s not as easy to simply say ‘stop thinking others are better than you’.
It takes a radical mindset shift.
When I start to feel self-doubt (multiple times a day), I repeat to myself, “I am a bad motherfucker!” or “I am the prize!”
Yes, positive self talk is extremely effective, when practiced.
Even if you don’t believe it at first, if you get into the habit of telling yourself something repeatedly, eventually you will begin to believe it.
This kind of thinking may not work every time. You may forget to remind yourself of this truth when you are feeling insecure. But, by at least trying, you are learning how to boost your confidence.
Be Kind to Yourself
This might be the most overlooked one.
It’s deadly important.
It goes along with the positive self talk.
Piggybacking off of the previous point, how do you boost your confidence?
Be kind to yourself.
That’s the simple answer.
Just like you should stop comparing yourself to others, you should learn self-compassion. I find a lot of Dads (men, in general) struggle with this.
Often, when us Dads are feeling insecure and unconfident, we are nasty to ourselves. We quickly become our own worst enemy.
We tell ourselves this business isn’t going to work as we’re not smart enough or we fear the judgement of others. I find the fear of judgement to be the BIGGEST obstacle for people. More than self doubt, fear of failing and/or not enough time/money.
The fear of judgement is crippling far too many in today’s society.
Putting yourself down is the absolute worst thing you can do. If you live every day telling yourself that you aren’t good enough, eventually, you start to believe it.
This kind of mindset will have you constantly doubting yourself and will prevent you from taking massive, imperfect action.
Do Things You Normally Wouldn’t
A quote you hear often is this;
Do something everyday that scares you
This is a quote credited to Eleanor Roosevelt, however, this seems to be false.
It really doesn’t matter who said it, it’s damn good advice.
When you’re lacking confidence in an area, doing things that scare you doesn’t seem like the solution to ‘how to boost your confidence’.
However, this is exactly why you should do it. Push your comfort zone and take a chance, take chances. Comfort zones are for people who do not strive to live the life of their dreams.
If you’re reading this blog, that ain’t you!
Don’t be afraid to get creative either.
Here’s an example, it’s a bit of a crazy one.
Let’s say you’re terrified of heights (a common fear) – if it’s the summer and you have an amusement park near you, go on a roller coaster ride. Even if you’re hesitant, get in line and go for it.
Years ago, I went to Cedar Point. An enormous amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio.
I am not a roller coaster fan. However, the friends I was with, were big fans. We got in line for the Magnum XL, as the time, it was like the tallest roller coaster in the US, possibly the world.
I am dating myself, as that is likely not even the top 10 tallest anymore.
After 3 hours in line, we got up to the ride, and I damn near wimped out.
I decided to jump in, strap on the seat belt and grab the handle tightly.
The first few seconds of the ride is climbing the mammoth first hill, for the damn near 90 degree, 205 foot drop.
The climb felt like an eternity, and I remember hearing the constant clicking of the car going up.
Fearing for my life, basically.
Yet, there was no turning back.
We hit the top of the hill and the first few cars were now facing the ground.
Instantly, we were traveling straight down towards the ground at 72 MPH.
It was exhilarating, and I remember getting off the ride with this thought;
LET’S DO THAT AGAIN!!!
Like with most things, it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
It was a ride I skipped every summer when visiting Cedar Point, years prior to that.
This was probably 20 years ago, and still remember it quite well.
For a little bit of a safer (maybe?) suggestion, approaching a girl you’re attracted to and asking her on a date is a tremendous way to increase your confidence.
We know that rejection is part of the reason you’re hesitant and you could be rejected.
Odds are, you will be rejected.
Like with anything in life (sales, starting a busienss, dating, etc) it’s a numbers game.
But, by mustering up the courage to ask in the first place, you are getting yourself to at least take chances.
And that is insanely powerful.
Look Someone in The Eye When Speaking to Them and Stand Up Straight
This is just common courtesy, but many struggle with this.
I did for years, but now make a conscious effort to make sure I am making direct eye contact when talking to people.
What a difference this simple technique does. Not just for you, but the person you’re talking to.
Some might even find it strange, as so few do this. Society is littered with insecure people.
Looking down when speaking to someone with authority is a common trait for the insecure.
Not only does this show whoever you’re speaking with that you lack confidence, but it can actually allow you to be taken advantage of.
You aren’t standing your ground, therefore it makes it easy for a manager to think they don’t have to treat you with respect. By looking at someone in the eye and standing up straight, you are asserting yourself properly.
You will not only give off a more confident vibe, but you will begin to physically feel more assertive.
Kick a Bad Habit
This goes along with exercising and eating better.
In high school, I played football, so smoking wasn’t an option, as I didn’t feel like coughing up a lung on the filed. So, I decided to pick up another disgusting habit, chewing tobacco.
On my 26th birthday, I decided to kick that nasty habit.
However, the following day, I bought a pack of smokes. From one nasty habit to another.
Smoking, or any bad habit, is like a ball and chain that weighs us down.
In 2015, I decided I was going to quit smoking, and that’s exactly what I did.
A bad habit is like carrying a bag of rocks on your back. The more you do it, the more rocks that are being tossed in the sack.
When you’re feeling weighted down, it’s near impossible to have the confidence to rise up.
Give yourself the goal of kicking the habit and feel better than you have in a long time.
This goes for any bad habit that you have – you need to work on yourself, therefore get rid of any habit that makes you feel bad about yourself.
This is how I quit chewing, smoking and drinking.
If you truly want it, and work for it, it’s really not that difficult.
Replace the bad habit with a good one, that’s worked out well for me.
What’s the Solution?
When you don’t have any confidence, you tend to focus on the negative.
Instead of only focusing on what can go wrong, challenge yourself to find the solution to your problem.
I am a big fan of writing things down (I talk about that in this post about healthy habits)
You don’t need to remain stuck inside your head, spinning your wheels, and only spiraling down a dark pit.
Instead you can look at all of the ways you can fix your problem, which won’t make certain events seem as large as you worried that they were.
There are some people who seem confident by nature. It’s as if they woke up one day as the boldest and bravest person you’ve ever seen.
The truth is, it just comes more naturally to some people. A lot of us have to diligently work on our self-confidence. It’s like a muscle, and I recommend you work on it daily.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of for not having a natural knack for it, as long as you are determined to work on it.
There will be a time in your life where you look back at how you once were and wonder how you ever doubted yourself in the first place.
The ONLY person you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday.
Whether it’s daily affirmations, consistently practicing positive self-talk, or hitting the gym regularly, you can be a more confident version of yourself, if you put in the work.
Follow the steps above to become the absolute best version of yourself.
For those of you who prefer video, here you go;
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